There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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