i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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