Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize