i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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