im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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