I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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