If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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