omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
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And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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