Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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