I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
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MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize