I hate your face
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize