$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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