Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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