I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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