In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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