i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
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it glows. i had to have it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
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She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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