Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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