$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize