The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize