Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
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I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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