Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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