can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
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I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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