maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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