i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize