Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize