I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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