Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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