I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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