just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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