My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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