You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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