I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize