My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
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The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
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I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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