I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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