dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
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I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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