that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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