The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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