I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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