If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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