i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
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I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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