i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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