Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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