its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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