just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
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just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
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I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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