I'm jealous of your bromance
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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