I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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