Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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