Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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