Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
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Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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