And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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